So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
