She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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