i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
