Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Damn victory sex feels great
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
