just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
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