I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
