Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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