the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
