Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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