i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
