if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Girls should come with a carfax report
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Randomize
