did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
