you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
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