apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
