i don't like sucking hair
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Randomize
