i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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