just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
