So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
