he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
