you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Randomize
