ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
