so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
