he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I need to align my fucking chakras
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
