I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
cat food counts as protein by the way
i would one night stand the shit outta him
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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