okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
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