Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
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