I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
