life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
