Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
