You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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