he wants to bone in the snuggie
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
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