If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
