He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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