watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
