i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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