if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Randomize