No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Randomize
