I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
