i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Randomize
