First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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