went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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