shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Randomize
