I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I love you. Go after that dick
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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