Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
