mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
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