My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
