I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I just cut my nipple shaving
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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