Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
