I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
What changed your mind?
Being sober
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Randomize
