Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Randomize
