There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
