btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Randomize
