If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Randomize
