You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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