A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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