Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Randomize
