The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Randomize
