Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
P.S. I can't hear my feet
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
