It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Randomize
