i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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