You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Randomize
