Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
