are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
