Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Randomize
