You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize